Being adopted as an 'older' child means I remember life before I was adopted.... One day I want to give that chance to another child just like me
Carla was adopted when she was aged 6, which is often considered old for a child to be adopted. She is grateful to have found her adoptive parents and has always been proud when speaking about her experience. Carla is now in her late 20s and works in a management role in the music industry in London. She is an advocate for adoption and in this article discusses the benefits of adopting an 'older' child and why she would like to adopt in the future.
I was six years old when I was adopted. Adoption is an important part of my life, but it doesn’t define me, even though it was the single best thing that ever happened to me.
As someone who was adopted as an ‘older’ child, I am living proof that families come in all shapes and sizes, often when you least expect them.
I went into foster care aged three and stayed with the same wonderful lady for three years, while I waited for an adoptive family. Three years for an adult isn’t a long time, but for me as a little girl, it was half a lifetime.
But luckily, I had Carol or ‘Nana’ as I used to call her. She thought the world of me, as I did her, and she made my experience a positive, stable and loving one. Mum and dad recognised our bond and made sure we stayed in touch for many years after my adoption. She even helped us decorate my new bedroom. Sadly, she passed away last year, but I’ve been in contact with her daughter since, which has been a comfort.
Nana understood that adoption was the opportunity for me to have a long-term home into adulthood, and that it was the right route for me. I desperately wanted that too - a family to call my own, forever.
So, after three loving years with her, I moved in with mum and dad.
They were both former social workers who wanted to adopt an older child – someone they could talk to straight away and build that bond through conversation (they also didn’t fancy doing the baby stuff) and that someone turned out to be me.
I remember looking through a special book they’d made for me called “Hello Carla”. It was full of pictures of them and showed me what life with them might be like. They had done it well. It was full of little questions and pictures with flaps to open so that you could guess what was underneath. It was a significant part in helping me look forward to being adopted and it made me feel that having a forever family was a reality.
I showed the book off to everybody at school. Every single person possible. We lived in a tiny town, so most people knew of Carol and that I’d been in the care system. But looking back, I’m glad I was so open and not afraid of my adoption journey, even at that age, to show people that the road to a family is not always a traditional one.
People might think you don’t get all the ‘firsts’ with an older adopted child, but we really did. I have so many fond memories, from cinema trips and swimming lessons to seaside visits and travelling abroad. We did it all. and for me it was magical.
It’s not always been easy but what family hasn’t encountered a few bumps in the road? Ultimately, my journey’s been full of love and support. Both Mum and Dad have been my biggest supporters. Dad revels in telling the story of our first meeting, me grabbing his hand and saying, “Come on, Daddy”, leading him to the park. He always says it hooked him right in, from that moment on.
What many people find surprising is how similar we are really. Not just our humour but our mannerisms too. I love seeing the surprise in people’s faces when they find out I’m adopted. Dad sometimes likes to pretend he’s never met me before and that I just follow him around claiming to be adopted… (classic Dad humour...)
Being adopted as an “older” child means I remember life before I was adopted and with my supportive family it means I understood why it was put into care. I know I’ve found my forever family and have ended up exactly where I wanted to be. Adoption brought me here, and for that I’ll be forever grateful.
I’ve always loved talking about my adoption journey, but it was during my teenage years when I became particularly vocal. Together, Dad and I have attended lots of training sessions and conferences for prospective parents, chatting away about our experience to showcase just how rewarding adoption is. We’re both big talkers so we’re in our element, but it shows I’m proud of being adopted.
One day, when I’m ready to start my own family, I’d like to adopt and give that chance to another child like me as there are still so many children waiting, and I remember exactly what that felt like.