Bringing a new child into your family, whether through adoption or fostering, is a life-changing experience, not just for parents but for the children already at home. Many prospective adopters wonder: How will this affect my birth children? Will they feel left out? Will they accept their new sibling?
For Debbie Bright and her family, these were not abstract questions, they were a reality lived over decades. As a mother of four, Debbie has fostered more than 200 children over the last 30 years, raising her own birth children - Lydia, Georgia, Romana, and Freddie, alongside the many young lives who passed through their home.
Her daughter, Lydia Bright, now a well-known TV personality and mother, was just two years old when her parents began fostering. Since then, she has grown up with an ever-changing, ever-expanding family.
Here, Debbie and Lydia reflect on their experience of welcoming foster children into a home with birth children, and provide valuable insight and helpful advice for any family considering a similar journey through adoption.
The myth of the perfect transition
Many parents hesitate to adopt because they worry about how their birth children will adjust. Will they struggle to share attention? Will they resent the new child?
Lydia, like many children growing up in big families, had moments of frustration. She laughs now at a story from her primary school years. During a class exercise, children were asked to write down a wish. Most of her classmates wrote things like “I wish there were no wars” or “I wish for world peace.” Lydia’s wish?
"I wish I was an only child."
Her mother, Debbie, remembers seeing those words pinned up in the classroom and crying all the way home.
Lydia is quick to clarify that this was just a fleeting thought rather than a reflection of how she truly felt.
"It was just a bad day. Every sibling argues. Every child wants their parents to themselves at some point. But for every moment of frustration, there were a hundred moments of love. I never once questioned why we were fostering or why my family was different. It was just my normal."
Every family goes through moments of adjustment, whether through adoption, fostering, or the arrival of a new baby. These moments do not define the experience, but they are a natural part of growing up in a family.
Helping birth children embrace change
For parents bringing an adopted child into a family with birth children, one of the biggest concerns is preparing them for the change. Debbie believes that inclusion is key.
"Children trust children," she explains. "When a new child arrives, they are scared. They don’t know if they can trust the adults. But children? They trust each other instantly."
For this reason, involving birth children in the adoption journey from the beginning can make all the difference. Instead of presenting it as mum and dad’s decision, it can be the family’s journey.
Some ways to do this include:
- Letting birth children help set up their new sibling’s room
- Picking out toys or clothes together
- Looking at photos or watching videos of the new child before they arrive
- Writing letters or making small welcome gifts
Lydia recalls how her mother always ensured that the arrival of a new foster child was an exciting and shared experience.
"When we were preparing for a new foster placement, Mum always made it exciting. We’d go shopping for Moses baskets, choose baby clothes, and get the house ready together. I didn’t feel like I was losing anything—I felt like I was gaining something."
The power of growing up in a big, blended family
Despite the challenges, Lydia wouldn’t change a thing about her upbringing. She believes growing up in a fostering family didn’t just shape her childhood, it shaped the person she is today.
"I think we all carry our childhood experiences into adulthood," she says. "I’ve learned not to judge people because I’ve seen firsthand how different circumstances shape a person’s life. I’ve grown up with children from all backgrounds, different races, religions, abilities, and experiences. It’s made me more open-minded, more compassionate, and more inclusive."
It is a sentiment echoed by many children who grow up in blended or adoptive families. Love is not about biology, it is about shared experiences, laughter, tears, and the moments that turn strangers into family.
Even now, as an adult and mother herself, Lydia says the impact of growing up in a fostering family stays with her.
“When you share childhood, you share a bond that is just as real as blood."
Reassuring Birth Children
While including birth children in the process is important, some may still have underlying fears about what adoption means for them. Common worries include:
- Will my parents still have time for me?
- Will my new sibling take my toys or my space?
- What if we don’t get along?
These are normal concerns, and it is important for parents to create space for open conversations. Debbie suggests three key ways to help:
- Validate their feelings – let them know it is okay to have mixed emotions. Reassure them that love in a family is not limited; there is always enough to go around.
- Keep special one-on-one time – set aside moments where birth children get undivided attention. Whether it is reading together at night, a weekly outing, or just chatting over a meal, small moments make a big difference.
- Set clear expectations – explain that every sibling relationship is different. Some bonds form instantly, while others take time. Encourage patience and kindness while adjusting.
By acknowledging and addressing their worries, birth children can feel more secure and confident in welcoming a new sibling into the family.
The role of social workers and preparation for adoption
One of the biggest differences between fostering and adoption is the preparation and transition process. Debbie highlights how social workers play a crucial role in making this process as smooth as possible with adoption.
"With adoption, you have time to prepare. You get photos, videos, even video calls before you meet the child. Social workers guide you through it, making sure the transition works for both the adopted child and your birth children."
A structured transition often includes:
- Life story books – a collection of photos and key moments from the adopted child's life to help them feel connected to their past while preparing for their future.
- Transitional objects – a toy, blanket, or letter from the adoptive family sent to the child beforehand, helping them feel familiar with their new home.
- Gradual visits – starting with short meetings, progressing to longer visits, and eventually an overnight stay before moving in permanently.
Debbie encourages adoptive parents to use these resources, not just for the child they are adopting, but also to help birth children feel part of the journey.
"It’s not just about preparing the adopted child. Your birth children need time to adjust too. Making them part of the transition helps them feel included rather than left out."
It takes a village
One of the biggest lessons Debbie has learned is that no one does this alone. Whether adopting, fostering, or parenting biological children, support is essential.
"You cannot isolate yourself," she says. "You need a village to raise a child."
This is especially true when navigating adoption alongside birth children. Having a network of family, friends, professionals, and other adoptive families can make the journey easier, not just for parents, but for the children too.
For any family considering adoption, Debbie offers this piece of advice:
"Years will pass whether you take this leap or not. One day, you don’t want to look back and think, ‘I wish I had done it.’ Adoption isn’t just about changing a child’s life. It changes yours, too—in ways you can’t even imagine."
A family is what you make it
The Bright family’s story is not just about fostering and adoption. It is about what it truly means to be a family. It is about opening your heart to change, embracing the unexpected, and understanding that love is limitless.
Adopting when you have birth children is not always an easy road, but Lydia believes that the best things in life rarely are.
"Our family was a madhouse. At one point, we had ten kids, three dogs, a pig, and two gerbils. But it was magical. It was home, and it was ours."
For families considering adoption, the experience may be challenging, but it also has the potential to be deeply rewarding. Love expands when given the chance, and so do families.
If you want to hear Debbie and Lydia share their journey in their own words, listen to their episode on the You Can Adopt podcast.
If you’re considering adoption, visit You Can Adopt