- Fearing change or transitions
- Fearing separation from caregiver
- Attempting to establish predictability
- Trying to predict adult behaviours
- Feeling unworthy of connection
- Avoiding a feeling of shame
- Feeling anxiety in the situation
- Attempting to regain mastery over a situation
- Attempting to compensate for poor social or learning skills
- Feeling unworthy or unvalued
- Trying to reduce distress
- May be self-regulating in the form of self-harm or risk to others
- Seeking power, approval or affirmation of strength
Words Matter: Trauma sensitive language with children
- Trauma is expressed through behaviours not language can mask fear or shame
- Stress responses are known as ‘fight’, ‘flight’, ‘freeze’ and ‘fawn’ can resemble anti-social behaviours
- Negative language blames children for their trauma is internalised by children and leads to negative labels
Negatively charged language
Disrespectful and rude
Defiant and ignorant
Disruptive
Risk taking
Aggressive and oppositional
Manipulative
What might be happening in the moment
- Urge to push bad feelings away
- Testing strength of connection
- Seeking belonging with peers
- Sense of shame
- Sense of danger
- May be using early survival patterns that previously kept them safe
- Imitating early adult role models
- Difficulty articulating feelings
- Attempting to keep adults distanced
- Seeking power when they feel endangered
- Feeling unworthy of love and attachment
- Feeling stuck in rigidity or chaos
- Divided loyalty and fear of betrayal
- Attempting to create a distraction or to protect themselves
| Preferable language | ✓ Distressed ✓ Afraid ✓ Frustrated ✓ Testing relationship |
| ✓ Seeking safety ✓ Resourceful ✓ Self-soothing | |
| ✓ Distressed ✓ Afraid ✓ Over-stimulate | |
| ✓ Afraid ✓ Anxious ✓ Shutdown ✓ Seeking control ✓ Testing relationship | |
| ✓ Distressed ✓ Ashamed ✓ Lacking confidence ✓ Afraid ✓ Anxious ✓ Unhappy | |
| ✓ Seeking belonging ✓ Afraid ✓ Fear of loneliness ✓ Self-protection ✓ Limit testing |
