Staying in touch (also known as contact) could be direct, for example meeting with the child in person or speaking with them on the phone, or indirect - such as a letter from the child or their adoptive parents sharing images and updates. The child's social worker and professionals at the adoption agency will work with all of those involved to determine the appropriate staying in touch plan and it will always be done with the child's best interests in mind.
Staying in touch with birth family after adoption
It's often beneficial for adopted children's wellbeing and sense of identity to know about their life before being adopted. Maintaining some form of relationship with the people who were important to them before, can help adopted children as they grow up. Modern adoption aims to support birth relatives and their children stay in touch, where it is safe to do so and is in the best interest of the child.
Resources to help birth families when maintaining relationships with adopted children
The Adoption England National Team have worked with the Research Centre for Children and Families (RCCF) at The University of Sydney to develop the below resources, designed to support birth families in maintaining relationships with their children who have been adopted.
Being your best self at family time
This resource has been developed to support families who have direct contact with an adopted child make the most of the time they have together. It contains useful tips and advice on how to navigate family time and deal with any difficult emotions that may arise.
Being your best self when staying in touch
This two page document has advice and tips for birth parents when staying in touch with their child who has been adopted. ‘Staying in touch’ is the preferred term for the meet-ups or other communications that adopted children have with their birth family or significant relationships before being adopted.
Light in the dark | emotional advice for birth parents whose children have been adopted
This resource has been developed to help birth parents who may be struggling emotionally when their child has been adopted. Remember, It is not a sign of weakness to need to work on your emotional self. It takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable with your emotions and to ask for help.
Light in the dark | emotional support for birth parents whose children aren't currently living with them
Similar to the above resource, this guide sheet has been developed to support parents who may be struggling emotionally after their child has been removed from their care.
Nourishing the sparks of connection with adopted children
Like all children, adopted children thrive when they are surrounded by people who love them. It's helpful for birth parents to try and develop a meaningful relationship with their adopted children, where it is safe to do so. This resource has advice and guidance for birth parents to help them develop a connection with their adopted children.
Nourishing the sparks of connection during family time
Similar to the above resource, this guidance is designed to help birth relatives maintain a connection with children who are in care or not living with them.
Meaningful staying in touch without technology
This resource has been developed to help birth families stay in touch with their children who have been adopted. The guidance contains advice for using the Letterbox exchange to develop life long connections with children who have been adopted.
Lifelong Links Project
Lifelong Links aims to ensure that children who have been in care have a positive support network around them to help them during their time in care, the adoption process and in adulthood.
Adoption England are working with Family Rights Group on developing the Lifelong Links programme for adopted children. The programme has shown to be hugely successful for improving outcomes for children who have been in care and we hope it will have the same impact for adopted children.
The project assigns an independent Lifelong Links coordinator to work with adopted children to find out the relationships that were important to them pre adoption, who they would like to be back in touch with and who they would also like to get to know. The coordinator searches for these people, using a variety of tools and techniques. They then bring the network together at the Lifelong Links family group conference to make a plan with and for the child, which the regional adoption agencies support to ensure such relationships can continue to grow.
Birth parents who don't wish to be contacted
It's understandable that not all birth parents want to be contacted by their children who have been adopted. Birth parents have a right to anonymity and can use the Adoption Contact Register to say that they don't wish to be contacted.
Adopted people may use an intermediary agency to help trace their birth relatives. If birth relatives (and also adopted people) don't wish to be contacted, they can register for an absolute veto to say an intermediary agency cannot contact them under any circumstances. Please visit GOV.UK – Adoption records for more information about intermediary agencies and how to register a veto.