Light in The Dark 1 Light in the Dark 2 Meaningful Staying in Touch Without Technology Nourishing the Sparks of Connection with Adopted Children Being Your Best Self at Family Time Conversation Starters for Children and Families Being Your Best Self When Staying in Touch Nourishing the Sparks of Connection Whilst Your Child is in Care

Being Your Best Self When Staying in Touch Resource

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Being Your Best Self When Staying in Touch ( PDF, 115.79 KB)
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Being your best self when Staying in Touch*

Remember to care for yourself so time spent with your child can be as positive as possible

* Staying in Touch is the preferred term for the meet-ups or other communications that adopted children have with members of their birth family / significant others.

Ask for help
  • To give you space
  • To support your choices
  • To talk about what is going on for you
  • To understand your feelings
  • To process changes
  • To exchange photos with your child if permitted
  • To write letters to your child through services like the Letterbox schemes
Self-awareness
  • Do a mindfulness colouring-in book to ground yourself
  • Sit somewhere quiet and focus on regular breaths
  • Start tracking your moods Connect to your special place
Self-care and healing
  • Take time out just for you
  • Relax with friends
  • Power your body with good food
  • Keep a journal of how you feel
  • Listen to music that brings you joy
  • Be active – you can even dance inside your home! Take a walk in nature
  • Get crafty – make something to give your child at staying in touch times
Create an action plan
  • Start with small steps
  • Draw a picture of your plan
  • List what you need to get good communications back on track
  • Seek support to make your plans a reality
Notice and celebrate successes
  • Count the small things – even if it’s getting out of bed!
  • Track each thing you have done to reach your goal
  • Keep records of courses, community sessions or workshops you have attended
Make small goals
  • For your personal growth
  • For your time with children and family members
  • For making staying in touch times more positive
  • For reigniting important connections

Check in with your feelings as Staying in Touch times approach and after them

Ask yourself:

What helps me feel grounded and stable?

What makes me feel out of control?

What helps me show my child they are loved?

What do others notice when I am doing well?

What can I do to make the meet up or communication good?

Know your limits and your triggers

Notice and accept the feelings that come up

Have some games and activities up your sleeve

Pack some healthy snacks

Things to remember

  • Quality is more important than quantity when it comes to time together.
  • Do something nice for yourself or arrange to speak to someone after a visit to prevent a downward spiral.
  • Have some strategies in mind for when you are finding things hard.

What if I am not feeling okay?

Ask to have a phone or video visit instead this time if a planned meeting feels too hard

Talk to people involved in the Staying in Touch services about your feelings so they don’t misunderstand why you might be finding it hard to meet or communicate.

Things to remember:

  • Give as much notice as possible if you need to cancel a meet-up or call and suggest an alternative so your child knows you want to keep in touch with them.
  • If you continue to struggle with the agreed ways to stay in touch (including Letterbox), get professional help and support to work out a way to get communication back on track.
  • The hard moments will pass.
This resource has been produced by Adoption England. This resource is based on a series developed by the research Centre for Children & Families, Sydney School of Education & Social Work and the ARC Linkage Project Fostering Lifelong Connections for Children in Permanent Care. The original resource was co-designed with experts-by-experience, Tegan Whittaker and Chantelle Rozzi.