Nourishing the Sparks of Connection with Adopted Children

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Nourishing the Sparks of Connection for Birth Parents Whose Children are Adopted ( PDF, 286.07 KB)

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Nourishing the sparks of connection

This resource is for birth parents whose children have been adopted.

Children thrive when they are surrounded by people who love them. If your child has been adopted they still need connections with family and people who are important to them.

Your child may be trying to:

Adjust to living with a different family
Understand where they belong
Avoid upsetting you
Sustain friendships
Stay in touch with family
Express difficult emotions
Work out what they want from Staying in Touch time

Parents can help be:

Telling them you are proud of them
Reassuring them that you are okay
Celebrating the positives with them
Avoiding promises you can’t keep
Being consistent
Involving their adoptive parents
Asking what they want to do if you are able to meet
Focusing on making time together enjoyable
Sharing photos, drawings and letters if appropriate
Giving honest, age-appropriate answers to questions
Bringing a toy or something they can take home if you meet

What they may be feeling:

Fear

Sadness

Guilt

Anxiety

Confusion

Shame

What you might be feeling:

Anxiety

Grief

Shame

Guilt

Anger

Sadness

Strengthening all the sparks of connection

How birth parents can support their child’s adoptive parents during Staying in Touch* meet-ups

* Staying in Touch is the preferred term for meet-ups and other communications that adopted children have with members of their birth family/ significant others.

There are things birth parents can do to show support for their child and strengthen important connections at Staying in Touch meet-ups.

Your child’s adoptive parents may be:	Lacking information about your child’s history Getting to know your child – this is a lifelong journey Following agency or Local Authority rules
What they may be feeling:	Uncertain Stressed Helpless Overwhelmed Protective
Birth Parents can help by:	Suggesting a meeting with their child’s adoptive parents and professionals Showing they want to help their child thrive in their adoptive family Being open about their and feelings accessing support Listening to and respecting the adoptive parents role in their child’s life Sending letters/photos to update them and their child through the Letterbox/ Staying in Touch services that have been set up
The professionals working with your child may be:	Following policies and procedures Experiencing burnout and stress Continuing to develop skills and knowledge Facing time or resource pressures Coping with staffing shortages
What they may be feeling:	Frustrated that they can’t make things better Pressured by the agency Blamed by families for past decisions
Parents can help by:	Allowing their child’s adoptive parents time to respond to any queries Keeping records of any formal agreements of court orders Giving details of their culture, values, beliefs Updating adopters on changes to their situation through the agreed methods Asking for advance notice of staff changes if this would be helpful

This resource has been produced by Adoption England. This resource is based on a series developed by the research Centre for Children & Families, Sydney School of Education & Social Work and the ARC Linkage Project Fostering Lifelong Connections for Children in Permanent Care. The original resource was co-designed with experts-by-experience, Tegan Whittaker and Chantelle Rozzi.