Light in The Dark

Light in The Dark 1 Light in the Dark 2 Meaningful Staying in Touch Without Technology Nourishing the Sparks of Connection with Adopted Children Being Your Best Self at Family Time Conversation Starters for Children and Families Being Your Best Self When Staying in Touch Nourishing the Sparks of Connection Whilst Your Child is in Care

Light in the Dark for Birth Families of Adopted Children ( PDF, 89.5 KB)

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Bringing your feelings into the light so you can learn to heal

This resource is for birth parents whose children have been adopted

Emotional pain is like carrying a heavy weight. You may want the weight to be lifted or fear it will be with you forever. Feeling like this for a long time stresses the body. Understanding the early warning signs of stress allows you to take charge of your life.

Calm state	You are feeling calm and positive You can cope with everyday upsets You are in the emotional 'green zone' You enjoy today and feel optimistic about tomorrow
Depleted energy	Small things can trigger big reactions You get stressed over lost keys or running late You have trouble sleeping You are in the emotional ‘early warning’ zone You may say and do things you regret You may have conflict with other people
Stress build up	Things related to your child will trigger big reactions A Staying in Touch* meet up/call is cancelled at short notice or goes badly You need to write or read a letter through the Letterbox* arrangements You feel grief and pain rising to the surface You are entering the emotional ‘amber’ zone You may feel distress, panic or numbing People may think you are being unreasonable
Ready to explode	Things that reignite your pain can be overwhelming It might be Mother’s/Father’s Day or your child’s birthday You feel the weight of anger, shame and fear return You have entered the emotional ‘red zone’ Your reactions become unpredictable Your actions may frighten you and other people

Wherever you are today, you can take steps today to start your journey and get the support you deserve.

Healing is a journey not a destination. It is not a sign of weakness to need to work on your emotional self. It takes a lot of strength to do this and to ask for help.

Parents can feel like they are always waiting for something:

for support services to hear from or
see their child in whatever way
staying in touch has been agreed

What you can do for yourself today:

Spend time with people who understand your pain
Spend time in nature to feel calm and connected
Do small, good things for yourself (eat a nourishing meal, listen to your favourite song)
Notice even the small moments when you feel strong and resilient

What you can learn about yourself today:

What do you notice about yourself when you feel calm and connected?
What do others notice about you when you seem calm and connected?
What piece of advice have you been given that really meant something?
What small step can you take now that would change your situation?

This resource has been produced by Adoption England. This resource is based on a series developed by the research Centre for Children & Families, Sydney School of Education & Social Work and the ARC Linkage Project Fostering Lifelong Connections for Children in Permanent Care. The original resource was co-designed with experts-by-experience, Tegan Whittaker and Chantelle Rozzi.